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March 13, 2007
The Thought That Counts
After lunch yesterday at Bonobos (love that tasty nutmeat), I strolled on down to the Hallmark card store to find an appropriate card for my uncle who is unfortunately undergoing major surgery soon. Apparently, yesterday was the day they unveiled their new "Journeys" line of cards. Aside from a whole category dedicated to cancer in its various types (breast, colon, brain) and stages (chemo, surgery, recovery), other new categories include:
Sympathies - On Your Divorce
Announcement- We're Divorcing
Congratulations- Starting a 12-Step Program/Rehab
Sympathies- Miscarriage
Announcement- Gay
Missing You- Iraq
Sympathies- On Getting Fired
Thank You- Donor/Organ Donation
I'm all for once-taboo "journeys" becoming topics we're all more comfortable discussing, and bravo to Hallmark for acknowledging such sensitive times in our fucked up lives, but I can't help but wonder- can people not write their own sentiments anymore? Why is it socially acceptable to just sign your name to some hokey fake cursive-penned Hallmark poem? Since the beginning, illiterate and emotionally retarded Americans have relied on greeting card companies to write the things they cannot, but this...this is too much. If you know someone well enough to know they've had a miscarriage, do you really think it a thoughtful gesture to send them a card that says "Sorry About The Miscarriage" on the front? Do you think if someone's gotten fired, they'd even want a card to remember the day by? And to whom do you send "We're Getting a Divorce" cards? I imagine it would be rather awkward to sit down with your soon-to-be ex and sign a pile of those. And would you sign your name together, like "Love, Jim & Suzy"?? And the organ donation one, what exactly is the etiquette there? Do you have to wait until you find out whether your body rejects the organ to send your thanks? Furthermore, if you have been given another's organ, have had it successfully transplanted into your body and you are now mobile enough to make it down to the Hallmark store, you can surely put your gratitude in your own goddamn words!
So I left the store perturbed, disturbed and empty-handed. I did, however, go to another store and I found for my uncle a "pull my finger" pen that makes flatulent noises when you, well, pull it, and an old-fashioned hotel bell that he can ring to summons his wife while he recovers.
Posted by debbie at March 13, 2007 11:52 AM
Comments
Word!
Posted by: Laura at March 14, 2007 1:27 PM
i wish hallmark carried the congrats on your abortion cards and the THANKS (open card) for nothing cards. it's time for hallmark to throw out their precious moments and get down and dirty. grandma's are dying at least mine already have.
Posted by: soapy at March 21, 2007 12:55 PM